Today we’ll cover how and when to use safe words, as well as some safe word ideas to help you choose the perfect one!
Go to the most used safe words:
- safe words – Words you say out loud.
- The traffic light system – Different colors you mention (each color has a meaning, for example yellow means the sun should proceed with caution).
- Safe signs – If you have a gag in your mouth you cannot say safe words and you will have to point it out with your body.
1) Top 100 Safeword Ideas
Most sources list red (from the traffic light system explained below) and pineapple as the most common safe words. Both are excellent options as they are unlikely to blend into the work or be confused with anything else. Below are some more common themes for safe words and some examples of inspiration:
- Pineapple
- Banana
- Cabbage
- Chicken
- Coconut
- Broccoli
- Ordinance
- spongebob
- dobby
- Scooby DOo
- Tokyo
- Florida
- Paris
- Zucchini
- Butterfly
- Chocolate
- dinosaur
- Telescope
- Sunflower
- Porcupine
- Avalanche
- Bumblebee
- Carousel
- Watermelon
- fire truck
- Rhinoceros
- Spaghetti
- Candelabra
- Pterodactyl
- Snapdragon
- Harmonica
- Jelly Bean
- Quicksilver
- Rattlesnake
- Silhouette
- Toothbrush
- Umbrella
- Volleyball
- Windmill
- Xylophone
- Yacht
- Zeppelin
- Astral
- Broccoli
- Caterpillar
- Dragon-fly
- Espresso
- Flamenco
- Grapefruit
- sea urchin
- Icicle
- jackal
- Kite
- Lemonade
- Muffin
- Nebula
- Octopus
- Crepe
- Quasar
- raspberry
- sea horse
- Trampoline
- Unicorn
- Vortex
- wombat
- radiography
- Yo-yo
- Zucchini
- Acorn
- Globe
- Cactus
- Daffodil
- Eel
- flying disc
- ground squirrel
- Hibiscus
- Igloo
- Puzzle
- Kiwi
- Calls
- mango
- Head
- Ostrich
- Pecan
- Feather
- Raccoon
- Starfish
- tulip
- ukulele
- Vase
- Walrus
- photocopy
- Yodel
- Zephyr
- Apple
- bagels
- Pencil
- Dolphin
- Ember
- Hawk
- Astronaut
- Marshmallow
- Cucumber
- Rainbow
The 3 worst security words that I do not recommend
- Arrest gold No — You could say this without actually saying it during BDSM play, especially if you’re exploring consensual non-consent.
- Anything that sounds similar to a sexual word or a sound made during sexual intercourse.. Words with a lot of soft sounds and vowels can be harder to distinguish, so opt for something with stronger-sounding consonants.
- “Smell the milk” — a suggestion made in the office that got the appropriate reaction: “that’s a little unpleasant.”
2) The traffic light system
Another popular safe word idea is the traffic light system, which gives you more nuance when communicating your boundaries and provides an easy way for your partner or Dom to check in on how you’re doing. It’s extremely popular in the BDSM community because it ticks all the boxes: it’s easy to say, easy to remember, and unlikely to be confused with anything else.
In addition to the Sub wearing whatever colors they want, the Dom or partner in the active role can ask what color you are currently in to get an idea of how to proceed.
- Red means You have reached your limit and stop the game immediately. You may need to take a break, reduce the intensity, or stop during the day.
- Yellow means You are approaching your limit and you need your partner or Dom to proceed carefully and slowly.
- Green means continue: you are enjoying whatever you are doing and you are happy to continue.
3) Top 5 Sure Signs
Some types of play restrict the mouth and therefore your ability to say the chosen safe word. For example, if you are using a gag, such as a ball gag, O-ring gag, or any other type of gag, or if you are wearing a BDSM muzzle, you will not be able to say your safe word clearly. In that case, you need to establish a signal using another part of your body.
What you choose will depend on your personal preferences and other sexual activities you have planned. However, the same criteria apply as with safe words: the signal must be distinctive enough for your partner to recognize it. Repetitive signals are great because they are unlikely to occur by mistake. Here are some safe signal ideas.
- Hold something in your hand that you can drop to the ground.. Keys are a popular option
- Touch your partner or touch somethinglike meat
- stamp your foot
- Have something that makes a sound when you shake it.like a bell or small percussion instrument
- Repetitive flashing — This is good if you are completely bound and gagged, but it may take a second for your Dom to notice since there is no sound cue to get his attention.
When to use your safe word, traffic light system or safety signal?
Once you select your favorite safe word idea, you should use it whenever you feel like you’re about to take things too far or when a line has been crossed. This could be a physical or emotional boundary or anything that makes you feel insecure. While Safe words can and should be used during any type of sexual activity. Below are some examples of how and when you can use them.
During impact play and sensation play
Wearing spanking tools, spankers, grinder or other BDSM tools can be exciting and arousing. However, it can be difficult for a Dom or partner to assess how hard they should go since they are not receiving any biofeedback and everyone’s pain tolerance is different. You can use your safe word if the hitting becomes too physically intense or you feel emotionally overwhelmed.
During restricted play
Bondage game using restraints, rope bondageor bondage tape, is a fairly common and exciting type. However, restraint puts you in a very vulnerable position, where you are dependent on the person you are playing with to release you. You can use your safe word to tell your partner that they should stop what they are doing and possibly break free from their restraints. This could be for any reason, but some common ones could include restrictions that cause pain or restrict blood flow, feeling claustrophobic and panicked, or the stimulation being too intense.
What is a safe word?
Safe words and safe signals allow you and your partner or partners to clearly communicate boundaries and consent during a BDSM scene or other sexual activity. Using the safe word indicates that you should stop everything and reassess whether you want to continue.
Why are they so important?
Whether you’re launching your new bdsm tools or using your favorite fastening kit. BDSM involves walking a fine line between pushing your limits and taking it too far, so it’s important to establish clear communication. Not being able to stop an activity in time can cause psychological or physical damage.
Using a safe word is only one aspect of security. The dominant role player should also check in frequently with their partner in the submissive role to see if they are doing well, if they are enjoying the activity, or if they should adjust the intensity. This may involve asking directly, using the traffic light system (read below to explain this system), and/or learning to read their body language.
Safe words and consent
Consent can change during an activity, as we can never truly know how we will feel at that moment. In the FRIES consent model (left), the R stands for reversible, meaning that true consent can be withdrawn at any time.
Basically, this is what a safeword does. It tells whoever is playing that you do not give them consent to continue and that they must stop immediately.
Are safewords only for BDSM?
While safewords are primarily used in BDSM due to the riskier play involved, they can actually be a great addition to all types of sex. Sex of all kinds can be emotionally and physically vulnerable, so having a clear and easy way to tell your partner that you have reached or are reaching a limit can help you both feel safe. For example, if you’re trying anal sex for the first time, it can be good to have a safe word to let your partner know that it’s going too fast and that they should stop. Establishing this security and trust can help you feel more confident exploring new sexual activities together.
Some people also use safe words during arguments or emotionally intense conversations to indicate that they have reached a limit and need to take a break or de-escalate the situation.
How to choose a good safe word
A safeword can be absolutely anything you want, but there are some criteria it must meet for it to be fit for purpose. As with anything, what you choose will be unique to you, but before you choose an actual bite like anti-establishment, consider the following guidelines to narrow down your safe word ideas and find one that works.
- Choose a distinctive word That cannot be confused with anything else.
- Avoid words you might say during the scene (for example, no and stop are bad choices)
- Your safe word should be easy to say. Don’t choose anything too difficult to shout clearly.
- must be easy to remember. Safe words with personal meaning may be easier to remember in the moment.
Take the time to discuss your safe word with your partner to make it personal to you and your needs. Some people choose a very unsexy word that will kill the passion to stop things immediately. Although this may not be a good option if you want to get back in the mood later. Of all the examples I found when researching this article, I think Donald Trump has to be the biggest mood killer, although he might run the risk of putting you off sex altogether forever!